Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I watched a movie called Bridge to Terabithia yesterday night..the supposedly main character a girl died halfway thorugh the movie..she drowned..i mean her death..it doesn't really contribute to what's gonna happen later in the movie..why she had to die? Is it true that people love to watch deaths like they say? And that the directors have to inlude it in for nothing to their movies? and the boy who became her best friend was so overwhelmed with her death..sometimes i couldn't help wondering what if someone i cared about is to be taken away from me out of a sudden..how the hell am i gonna deal with it..
Anyway..lately im not really happy with what's happening..in fact i've never been contented with my life before..even i did it wouldn't last for more than a day..lol..holiday has been boring..i did nothing for the past few weeks..now the guardian has to keep renewing the computer access password to keep us from using it..how fucked up is that..And then i had a discussion with him then his wife..they weren't exactly too satisfied with my attitudes at home..so we sorted things out..as if..they are always saying they acknowledge my past and all..what i've been through..what i didn't have as a kid which others have..like fuck they know anything bout my past just based on some facts given to them by Eddie..the thing with adults are they always thinking they know what's it like how's it been..i don't blame them though..they care for me..they take responsibility for me..and i really appreciate what they do to try to help..
One thing they probably got it right is that im a sad case..life has never been normal for me since i was born..in fact i often envy other kids..how they could they live such a simple life and loving parents and having all they could ever want..sometimes it could get really frustrated..i often sit down and think why did God put me into all this shit..but if it wasn't for the shit he had thrown me into..would i turn out to be the person i am today?Probably it is all just part of what will shape me into in the future..but why all this mess..i've seen people turning out successful without having going through what i've went through..so what's the point..why the needless pains for me..
i'm just feeling grumpy..but i'll live through it..it had been my lifestyle and always will be..it's just he way i am..I thank God for all that he have given me..
